Kuma’s Too’s Lethargy burger

LETHARGY
Burger of the Month at Kuma’s Too for February, 2014

• Oatmeal Stout battered and fried crimini mushrooms
  
• Spicy ricotta cheese
  
• Mustard braised turkey breast
  
• Deep fried applewood smoked bacon
  
• 10 oz. Beef patty
• Pretzel bun

Lethargy burger from Kuma’s Too

February’s BOTM over at Kuma’s Too, the Lethargy is yet another otherworldly creation by the chef in charge, who probably has a hard time stifling his maniacal laughter as he’s working on his newest recipes. Kuma’s Too seems to be far less subtle when it comes to its Burgers of the Month compared to Kuma’s Corner and just like last month’s Sourvein, the Lethargy is yet another layered monstrosity with plenty of oddball ingredients and out-of-the-box thinking, making this month’s burger a worthy tribute to a technical death metal band that never quite made it to the new millennium, though its members are still causing trouble in today’s scene in bands such as Mastodon, who also have their own burger on Kuma’s menu list.
Whereas last month’s burger was a giant pile of breakfast foods usually found in most American homes, the Lethargy is like the charred remains of a bunch of felons in a burned down AA meeting hall, which were probably the result of a lightning strike. When the burger was brought in front of me I had some trouble figuring out what’s what, so I’ll make it easy for you by listing the ingredients from top to bottom like I always do. At the very top of the Lethargy sit 3-4 fried crimini mushrooms (basically young, not fully developed portabello mushrooms) battered in delicious oatmeal stout which are the first thing that greets your palate as soon as you bite through Kuma’s signature pretzel bun and like always mushrooms are amazing. So amazing, in fact, that to this day I always have a mini panic attack when I hear that people do not like them. I’ve had mushrooms in all shapes and forms, cooked in a bunch of various ways but never had I dreamed of fried and battered mushrooms until I read about the Lethargy burger… Underneath the mushrooms is definitely my favorite part of this burger – a big serving of very, very spicy ricotta cheese which acts like the legally-binding contract forcing all of the ingredients to stick together and will be with you from the moment you take your first bite to the sad, but inevitable disappearance of the Lethargy in your hands. There was something about the flavor, the consistency and the spiciness that just kept me going, but it also slowed me down enough to fully appreciate all the flavors of the burger and that’s the work of a genius right there, folks. Then, a couple slices of mustard braised turkey breast, which has this alien, yellow tint to it, makin’ it look like a ravioli or a confused noodle or something, and even though this is not the Thanksgiving-themed Sleep burger (which I failed to try!), the addition of this bird’s meat to the mix is obviously because of the (false!) accusation that the Tryptophan found in turkeys causes post-prandial somnolence drowsiness. You can blame it all on cholesterol, guys. And speaking of cholesterol, last but not least the Lethargy features an absurd amount of thick, DEEP FRIED, applewood smoked bacon spilling from all sides and on top of the 10oz. beef patty. With the massive amount of cholesterol and the holy triumvirate of braised turkey, deep fried pork and grilled beef, the Lethargy is a spicy, fried goodness guaranteed to 5FDP you. On the way back I managed to doze off for a couple minutes on the backseat of a car while being pestered by some dull back pain with a Michael Jackson CD playing while dreading the possibility of Manowar’s concert being cancelled. When I got home I didn’t even bother removing my shoes, scarf, hat or winter jacket and I collapsed like the Soviet Union on my bed utterly defeated and desperately in need for some Zzzzzz’s. Case in point…Now that I’m looking at the picture of Lethargy, with the mushrooms on top and its thick slices of bacon positioned like that it kind of reminds me of of the rare “Corpse Flower” Rafflesia arnoldii, on which the Pokémon Gloom is based on.
What does Gloom do? It spreads paralyzing pollen, which is almost like a lethargy… in a sense. Jesus Christ, just look at it – it’s already all permanently half-asleep, it’s even drooling. It’s perfect. Okay. You get it. I’m a nerd. Moving on..

Pairing Suggestions:
The recommended alcoholic beverage for this burger by Kuma’s Too was Oskar Blues Grill & Brew Old Chub Scotch Ale [8.0% ABV] brewed with a staggering number and variety of malts. I wanted to order one, I really, really did, but when push came to shove something stopped me – I just wanted something light, crips and refreshing, because I knew the Lethargy was going to be heavy and super spicy, and my only experience with Scotch Ales comes from the magnificent Orkney Brewery Skull Splitter Scotch Ale [8.50% ABV]. Strong stuff like that I’d rather sip and enjoy by itself, so ultimately I decided to skip this recommendation. I’m sure that the dark, malty flavor would go great as a nice contrast to the spicy, salty nature of the ricotta cheese and.. well, actually everything on the burger, though.

Just when I was trying to figure out what to order I saw on the Facebook page of Kuma’s Too that they had just opened a fresh barrel of Three Floyds Brewing Co. & Brewpub Zombie Dust American Pale Ale [6.40% ABV] and I just couldn’t resist the temptation to try yet another of their beers and this American Pale Ale impressed me with the great grapefruit aftertaste and apricot (maybe?) aroma. I am not sure if I like it more than Alpha King by the same brewery, but I’m sure that it was a better match for the Lethargy and I’m really glad that I had the opportunity to try it!

And I used to hate IPA’s and most bitter, hoppy beer! Funny how a person’s preferences change for the better. I’m talking to you, mushroom-haters.