Kuma’s Too’s Witchfinder General burger

WITCHFINDER GENERAL
Burger of the Month at Kuma’s Too for September, 2014

  • Pickled celery in dill and vinegar
  • Blue cheese crumbles
  • Buffalo maple fried chicken breast
  • Applewood-smoked bacon
  • 10 oz. Beef patty
  • Pretzel bun
Kuma's Too Witchfinder General burger

Witchfinder General burger from Kuma’s Too

Witchfinder General logoIf you are reading this and somehow the picture of Kuma’s Too‘s Witchfinder General BOTM hasn’t bewitched you yet. it probably means that you are not feeble-minded, heretical scum, in which case the lads from this Brit doom metal band would like to have a word with you and conscript you to burn witches, which, yes you guessed it, involves eating their unusual namesake burger. And indeed, just in time for mostly everyone’s favorite pigskin throwing affair, Kuma’s delivered once again with an offering that would be just stellar in front of a large, plasma TV while local sports team X scores a touchdown goal or whatever. In short, fall is wings season, and north of the Bible Belt it’s all about the Buffalo Wings Gut and Beer Belly, so it did not come as much as a surprise when the chefs over at Kuma’s Too decided to incorporate America’s love for chicken wings in their Burger of the Month. On paper, the Witchfinder General burger was a lot like the Metallica all-time-staple burger but in a more stable form. Instead of the Metallica’s generous serving of Blue cheese dressing it had Blue cheese crumbles which melted half-way on top of a very thick Buffalo maple fried chicken breast. I’m personally not a huge fan of gratuitous amounts of white meat, and it combination with the 10oz. beef patty it felt like it was too much. Slightly dry, which is almost always the case when you have too much chicken breast, with a lingering sweetness from the maple, but not enough of the vinegar and cayenne blend that gives Buffalo chicken wings the long-forgotten ability to fly, if only inside the stomach. I really felt like the meat needed a lot more sauce to make it passable, but sometimes even the best of hits can be a miss, which is what I thought as I was chewing the chicken breast. I also thought that the pickled celery was a bit bold, and that’s coming from someone who loves everything pickled. I was initially very curious about the consistency of pickled celery since that was a first for me, and I was surprised to find out that it was still somewhat crunchy, very stringy, and just a bit softer from all the vinegar bath. I am not sure if the vinegar here was trying to compensate for the sauce, or if the Buffalo sauce was deliberately toned down to blend with the pickled celery, but I was not impressed, and the less adventurous would probably find the vinegar-soaked celery to be too extreme. The applewood-smoked bacon was the savior of flavor, really, and was even greater with the hints of maple syrup from the chicken, and allowed for an easier transition from chicken to beef patty. In General, I was not too hexed by the burger. More Buffalo sauce was needed, and I wouldn’t mind borrowing from Metallica’s Blue cheese dressing in order to replace the Blue cheese crumbles. Additionally, thinner, saucier chicken strips instead of just a gigantic chicken breast would have been a better choice, in my opinion, but as a Burger of the Month choice, the Witchfinder General was still fine, althought almost all the other BOTMs outshine in.

Pairing Suggestions:
 Three Floyds Brewing Zombie Dust American Pale Ale [6.40% ABV] was my beer of choice here, as I like the tropical and pine notes of APAs paired with that balancing act of maltiness all the way in the back. Just enough to be refreshing without washing out the heat with bitterness. Zombie Dust is one such beer full of Citra hops, and as such it offers a nice blend of both tropical and citrus fruits with an upfront serving of grapefruit which hides the above average ABV of 6.40%. Beer did its best to add some spice to the tame nature of the Buffalo chicken, which was much appreciated and I’d be sure to try and grab a Zombie Dust one day when I decided to feast on the Metallica burger. Boy, could I have used a chilled pint of Dryhop Brewers Last City Zero Malt Liquor [8.0% ABV], though. Alas, such is the fate of limited brews.

 

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